rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
