Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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