remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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