Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
