I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
