I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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