some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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