In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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