Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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