So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
