You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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