Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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