There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
