It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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