Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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