i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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