Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
