Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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