im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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