I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
