If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
