I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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