He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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