Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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