Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
