I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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