Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
