Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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