I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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