I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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