Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
