Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
