I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
