I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
