wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
