my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he thought i was a dude.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
