All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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