I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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