I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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