omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
