You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
