Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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