I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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