ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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