Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
