well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
