Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
