he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
