well I can't set my house on fire every night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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