Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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