he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
