Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
